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| For the first time, I think in my life, I have patience about my future. Extraordinary peace. The kind that only comes from God. I finished reading Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper a couple of weeks ago. Really good. Everyone should read it. It talks about living your life completely for God. Wherever you are and in whatever you do.
Ha ha looking for the paragraph I wanted to quote from the book I found:
"There is a call on this generation to obey the risen Christ and make disciples of all the unreached peoples of the world. I am praying that God will raise up hundreds of thousands of young people and "finishers" (people finishing one career and ready to pursue a second in Christian ministry). I pray that this divine call will rise in your heart with joy and not guilt. I pray that it will be confirmed with the necessary gifts, and a compelling desire, and the confirmation of your church, and the tokens of providence. Fan into flame every flicker of desire by reading biographies, and meditating on Scripture, and studying the unreached peoples, and praying for passion, and conversing with mission veterans. Don't run from the call. Pursue it."
This is so perfect. Parts are what I've been praying about and going through, where I'm at now, and what I'm praying for. Tonight I'm filled with His joy. The guilt has been removed. Praise God!
So I have started the application process with the IMB for the International Service Corps program. Meaning if accepted I will be going overseas for 2-3 years. God has been changing me this year and has called me to South Asia. To a country that even at the beginning of this year was the last place I wanted to go. He has changed me slowly so I got to a state where I said I would go even there and then has slowly been growing a desire in me to go there. The Piper book is not why I'm going or believe I'm called there. It just fit so perfectly into what God has been teaching me. As always His timing is perfect. When it was clear a couple of weeks ago that I should apply I felt the incredible weight of the decision. I was willing and excited (maybe more so just to have direction) but my eyes were open to the cost. I would be letting go of my life and my dreams. It made me see I wasn't completely surrendered on some things. The reality of leaving my family for a couple of years was hard. As was the very hard reality that I might have to sell my horses. I have always told God I would give them up, and was truthful, but didn't feel the full weight of it until about a month ago. I love my horses. I love God more and will give them up for Him but it won't be easy. And I want to be a joyful giver. So it's been hard dealing with all of that and the fact that I'm a cold weather person and don't like spicy food. So I have no illusions as to the commitment I'll be making. But tonight I realize God has helped me to let go and let God. He is in charge after all. I also have hope that He will allow me to keep them. But I will give them up if He asks. I'm no longer stressing about how and when to sell them or if maybe I could lease them to someone or something. I'm completely trusting Him. My main joy is just the excitement about my future but also the patience I talked about earlier. When I finally realized that's where He's taking me I was bummed the application process meant it'll be April at least until I'm overseas. And I thought about all of the stuff that would be on hold or given up. Now I have peace about my future. The Olympic dream isn't gone. Especially as I watch the Olympics. But I have peace and patience that if God does allow me to get there one day that's awesome and I'm ok with waiting.
Hmm I think I'm probably rattling on and not making a ton of sense so I should quit. I never found the part in the book I was looking for but I did find this: (it's long but worth it)
"But for others reading this book it is going to be different. Many of you are simply not satisfied with what you are doing. As J. Campbell White said, the output of your lives is not satisfying your deepest spiritual ambitions. We must be careful here. Every job has its discouragements and its seasons of darkness. We must not interpret such experiences automatically as a call to leave our post.
But if the discontent with your present situation is deep, recurrent, and lasting, and if that discontent grows in Bible-saturated soil, God may be calling you to a new work. If, in your discontent, you long to be holy, to walk pleasing to the Lord, and to magnify Christ with your one, brief life, then God may indeed be loosening your roots in order to transplant you to a place and a ministry where the deep spiritual ambitions of your soul can be satisfied. It is true that God can be known and enjoyed in every legitimate vocation; but when He deploys you from one place to the next, He offers fresh and deeper drinking at the fountain of His fellowship. God seldom calls us to an easier life, but always calls us to know more of Him and drink more deeply of His sustaining grace."
This is what God's been doing in my life for the last 4 or 5 years. How I knew He was going to move me on from engineering. I liked my job and what I did but was discontent. It didn't make sense except that I realized God was going to have me move on. Course it was 3 or 4 years later before He did! He has definitely been loosening my roots.
So anyway read the book, live for Christ, and don't waste your life
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| HIMSELF
by A. B. Simpson
Once it was the blessing, Now it is the Lord;
Once it was the feeling, Now it is His Word.
Once His gifts I wanted, Now the Giver own;
Once I sought for healing, Now Himself alone.
Once 'twas painful
trying, Now 'tis perfect trust;
Once a half salvation, Now the uttermost.
Once 'twas ceaseless holding, Now He holds me fast;
Once 'twas constant drifting, Now my anchor's cast.
Once 'twas busy planning,
Now 'tis trustful prayer;
Once 'twas anxious caring, Now He has the care.
Once 'twas what I wanted, Now what Jesus says;
Once 'twas constant asking, Now 'tis ceaseless praise.
Once it was my working,
His it hence shall be;
Once I tried to use Him, Now He uses me.
Once the power I wanted, Now the Mighty One;
Once for self I labored, Now for Him alone.
Once I hoped in Jesus,
Now I know He's mine;
Once my lamps were dying, Now they brightly shine.
Once for death I waited, Now His coming hail;
And my hopes are anchored, Safe within the vail. | | |
| So Heebes guilted me into writing with his last post.
Still unemployed. Well, sort of. I teach lessons and have several horses I'm training. I've been hesitant to build a true training business because I don't want to jump ahead of God's timing. So I've tried to take it slow and pray through it. I've been praying about if this is the direction God wants me to take with my life, at least for now.
I've got a jump show Saturday. That is if the weather cooperates. It was supposed to be last Saturday but got rained out. My first one in over a year. I'm excited.
Things at the church are still rough. Not many people and still some aftershocks from all the conflicts. The youth group is small but good. One of the girls accepted Jesus on Easter!
I had a bit of panic after I went to the bank today. I sure didn't like seeing just how much my bank account is dwindling. I mean I knew what it was at but somehow seeing it on the ATM screen makes it a lot more real. It took praying and reading Job to settle me again. Our Creator is in charge. And while we're not promised to be restored like Job was at the end we are promised that He will take care of us if we are seeking and following His will. So, He has a plan.
There were a couple of months of rough times questioning decisions I made and God on what my future is. Finally He helped me to submit (again) my future and my life. One of my big struggles was at the end of March which is when I would have been getting back from the project in Houston. I questioned whether I was right not going. I had been hoping there would be a clear reason why I wasn't supposed to go and I didn't see that. But God's ways aren't our ways. He graciously straightened me out.
So I've been spending my weeks reading and praying and teaching lessons and training horses. I also just got back from 4 days at the Lake of the Ozarks! I'm very thankful for the blessing these 4 months have been. And I'm excited to see where God's taking me. Still struggling with patience though :)
1 year ago today I was in Jerusalem! It's been sad but also nice all week to be thinking about what I was doing a year ago. In 6 hours I was waking up and getting ready to go on an awesome tour of Jerusalem with a group I met at the Sea of Galilee...sigh...
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| That's what I want to do, retreat. Things are rough right now. Satan is hitting at every front out here. At The Crossing (the church) and Cornerstone (the farm) and individually. There's all sorts of bad stuff going on. What was first discribed to me as unity problems in the church has become many families leaving. And not for any good reasons. Not that there is a good reason. Well, except God moving people on to different things. There are several families that are upset and have been for a while and instead of approaching David (the pastor) they instead talked amongst themselves and let things fester. We don't know of any real issues they're upset about. Most were seemingly small things, misunderstandings, that were resolved. But families are leaving. Only they're not just leaving, it's almost like they're trying to spread disention. So all of that on top of the spiritual oppression I've been under and trying to be patient to wait for God to reveal direction for my life has me wanting to retreat. Friday as I was whinning to God about it He reminded me how this is a spiritual war, not a spiritual battle and what did I expect war would be like. Some soldier I'd make. Things get tough and I'm ready to retreat instead of fight harder. I keep thinking things can't get worse but then more stuff happens. Or really more stuff is discovered. Please pray for us! When things first started surfacing I prayed that God would point out the wrongs so they might be righted or if it's a time of refining that it would be quick. The next day 2 families left and 1 is on the way out. But it wasn't a clean break. Stuff is still being stirred up from the outside. Another family left for a time because they've got a ton of other stuff going on and they're not sure they want their church to add to it. And another family left because of problems with another family in the church and because they're moving. With all these families leaving that brings my youth group down to 3. A brother and sister and a girl from the barn. But those 3 are the ones I'm not sure if they're Christians. So I'm praying about restructuring things and gearing it more toward non or new Christians. And maybe meeting on a Saturday afternoon when a lot of girls are around the barn. Cool things have been happening too though. The barn girls are getting more and more excited and interested in things we're doing. We had an Evan Almighty movie night last Saturday and had a pretty good discussion afterwards. Cortland gave them a good question to take home and think about as they went to bed. "At what point would you have gotten on the ark. What would it have taken." One mother called up and told Cortland that her daughter has never been interested in God until she started coming here and as soon as she is confirmed (in May I think) they're going to start coming to church here. Others have been interested too. The parents of the therapeutic riding kids have been touched by the ministry for them and are getting involved with other things going on. We have a big Easter Egg hunt Saturday where most of our helpers are going to be barn kids and their parents now that a lot of the main church families are gone. So I'm not going to retreat as tempting as it is but I do really need your prayers. For me, the ministry out here, and Cortland and David who really are getting hit on all sides. | | |
| We got 10-12 inches of snow today!
I've had a couple of blissful days. Yesterday I spent the day reading. Well, I started twice to leave but God literally brought me back. Today I was supposed to feed the horses at Cornerstone so they could take their son to get tubes put in his ears. But with the bad weather coming they called me Monday afternoon to tell me they postponed the surgery. It was raining and then sleeting outside so it was a wonderful day to stay inside. I made some peppermint hot chocolate and sat by the gas fireplace and read. I had thought I should go to Cornerstone to work and prayer walk which is why I started to leave twice. I realized later I missed God's leading of what His plan for my day was. Staying home and reading didn't seem right when there was so much to do out there. Our church and the farm are under pretty heavy trials prayer walking is much needed. So staying home and reading seemed very selfish. But it was wonderful. God answered many little prayers which just added to the blissful day. Any time spent enjoying God is time well spent.
Today it didn't start snowing until around 8:30 but when it did it really came down. By noon there were 6 inches. I went out and shoveled our driveway before it got too deep and unmanageable. In the hour it took it snowed 2 inches. I went back out around 3 and there was over 10 inches of snow. So after I got the driveway cleared again I decided to play. I went sledding down our hill and then the stairs that lead to our lower patio (which worked much better since the snow was really deep on the hill) and made a little snowman and an angel. Then I decided to make an igloo. First a small one by the back door cat sized and shaped and then a bigger one by the driveway with the snow I had piled up from shoveling. At first I tried to tell myself it was for my niece and nephews who would be over later this week. Then I realized I wasn't fooling myself, it was for my fun :) It was fun. It's big enough for me to sit up in with room for someone else, well, 1 or 2 of my niece and nephews.
So yet again God's plan for my days was not my plan but so much better. He is so good! | | |
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